I think my first Guardian Angel on Earth, was my Aunt Reen. She was comic relief, and nurturer wrapped in a tall redhead. When things at home seemed their worst, I could close my eyes and pretend she was my mother. Luckily, she is one Guardian that still walks among us, and is still nurturing me. And luckily, my Mom is my Mom.
God is a graceful God and has sent me Angels at just the right time all of my life. Of course, it was subtle, and I didn't realize until their time to move on had passed.
During my childhood years my Angels were various cousins and two teachers. Mrs. Bentley-kindergarten, and Mrs. Whitman, fifth grade. Both were patient and kind to this obviously odd child. I was plagued with what was called, later in life, "diarrhea of the mouth." It led to punishment at home. When, in fourth grade, I'd received yet another checkmark in that category, I hid under a desk--afraid to go home and face the wrath of Dad. To him, this was an embarrassment. I wonder if he was watching when the Dr. diagnosed me with ADD a year ago. Mrs. Whitman's calm demeanor somehow kept me in low gear, and the checkmarks disappeared.
In high school, Cindy Koester was my best friend. And I do mean best. Kids actually made fun of our friendship, wondering if we took care of each others behinds in the restroom. Cindy, as I learned years later, also came from an emotionally abusive home. Perhaps that is why we were so comfortable together. Unspoken pain lived out each day, shared with notes in the hall, or noon hour reflections on life. And boys. Always boys. Guardian Angel, I'm not sure. Lifesaver, certainly.
But, two of my greatest Guardian Angels up to that time were in high school. Miss Ebel and Miss Schleisinger. These were the people who read my pain, as I kept a journal for Miss Ebel's english class. Before this point, my writings were deemed good, but not believable. As Mrs. Thomas noted on one poetry assignment, "write about something you know." Gave me a D! She was in her sixties, I think, and did not believe children could possibly know about wanting to die, and such nonsense. But, Miss Ebel, fresh faced and straight out of college, did believe. And she shared those entries with Miss Schleisinger. Miss Ebel left notes acknowledging my pain. I was validated at last. And this kept my writing brain producing poetry for years to come. I wish I could find Miss Ebel. I would love for her to know what a positive influence she had on my survival. And, as many of my Guardian Angels do, she was gone May 27, 1978.
Over that 1978 summer, I gained my first paying employment. This job would nearly kill me, but it came with some wonderful Angels. First there was Marty. She was in an abusive relationship. This welcomed me to the "real world". From Marty I met Pam, who still remains a friend. Through Pam came many more "guardians in training". People that would listen, but not know quite what to do. I do hope they got their wings. My relationship with Pam led to a second family. The Dohertys of Pearl City are a close, loving family. I learned that hugs and kisses are good stuff. And being angry or sad are not a character fault, but a part of the human experience.
And Trixie. The most loyal, truthful, giving person I had ever met. Trixie is a gem. Put on this Earth by a wise God. Trixie was my first experience of unconditional love. She loved me through my depressions, mania, partying and affairs. When I finally got help for depression, she was the first to encourage. When I got a DUI, she bailed me out of jail. I surely hope her cousin, Maureen, had good strong shoulders, because I am sure Trixie complained about my irresponsibility many times! I still consider her a dear friend, although we've only seen each other a few times since I left that company.
After a stint in NJ as a nanny, I moved back to IL, and with no place to live, Ranee flew in to help. What I thought would be a stay of a few weeks turned into a few months. At some point I had overstayed my welcome. The next Angel's number was called and he swooped in with--well if you know Keith--bells on. He took me in. He slept on a cot in the living room for two months while I continued my search for gainful employment. He greeted me each morning with "Good Morning sunshine!", chasing away any chance of feeling sorry for myself. Keith is gay. I learned alot about that culture, taking away any questions of the orientation. Keith was also gay in the happy sense of the word. He was usually pleased with the day, and even if he wasn't he usually made me pleased with it. I've lost touch with Keith. I hope good things have happened for him.
During my first months back in IL, I dated a wonderful, hard working man. Nevin was also a Guardian Angel. I felt loved, special and worthy of someone's time. He helped me out of some financial problems--the result of not being able to find a job. He helped me see my body through his eyes...beautiful. "what part of your body do you most dislike?", he asked. I gave him my answer and he kissed it. I still think of him...what girl wouldn't!? It took me 12 years, but I paid him back every penny.
My cousin Brent, had become a best friend, and confidante over the years. His financial help to aquire a vehicle, so that I could go farther with my job searches, bumped him up to Angel status. That car cost $500, right fender rusted through to the ground, passenger floorboard open to the passing highway, and was a sight to behold. It got me to Monroe, where I was hired at the seasonal factory--clothing division. In time, Brent stopped sending Christmas cards and we lost touch. In the past few years he was diagnosed with Non-Hodkins Lymphoma. Brokenhearted, I called him. We kept in touch for awhile, but, again have not spoken for about a year. This is my bad. I have added him to my list of things to do, as I write.
Louise was my supervisor at Madeleine Fashions. I was an office clerk. I'd been able to save enough money to get an apartment. Even pay utilities. But, not food. Besides being a wonderful, fun lady, I believe Louise was put in my life for a reason. Maternal support. She helped me grieve when Nevin and I broke up. She calmed me down when I believed every error I made was the end of the world. She was wise. I let her down alot due to my common ailment of missing work due to depression. I would lay and cry after I called into work. She would address it, and let it go. She helped me buy food. It took 12 years to pay her $20 back, but I would not let this wonderful woman down again.
I don't think my next Guardian Angel was prominant until I became employed by Viking Ins. . Although, Kim was more like the Guardian Angel in "It's A Wonderful Life", she became one of the closest friends I've ever had. We were party partners in crime, and sounding boards for each others' dysfunctional families. We both had "daddy issues" and accepted each others' bad decisions. There was a gaping whole when Kim was cut out of my life. Although I got married, that hole was not filled again.
After the birth of Nick, came borderline post-partum psychosis, general depression, overwhelming fatigue (duh), and body aches that made caring for him torture on some days. Due to missing an exorbitant amount of work, Western States Ins. fired me. I understood. They had a business to run; I was not there to get the job done. Full time with Nick, an active, active baby, ran me into the familiar den of depression on a new level. It was suggested that I have someone watch him a couple days a week so that I could sleep. Jill Cummins became a part of my life. She specialized, at that time, in part-time child care. And she was a genuine, good person. It didn't take long before we were best friends. Another Angel there at just the right time. At some point, I began to feel better, and actually helped her out on my "Nick days". When we moved to O'ville, and Nick left her care, we lost touch...except at Christmas...when we went to cut down our tree on her tree farm. I am still in touch with this Angel, and she is now a Social Worker, a perfect fit for her!
My most recent Angels have been a family that helped me move from the house I had to sell, to a gracious landlord, to an old flame, to a schoolmate from the 70s that I am only now getting to know. The Janicke/Young family went up and down my 19 stairs countless times over two days, while I struggled with my emotions and my disability, to move me and Nick into the apartment that the Gracious Landlord rented to me, despite my inability to pay him until the house sold. The Old Flame floated across a Facebook page and a rekindled friendship was born. His relay of his life trials makes me feel useful again. I've always had a need to help fix others' problems, and although that is usually not possible, being given the opportunity is an honor. The Schoolmate. I know I didn't talk to him once in school. He was just sort of there, but as it is in school, not in my clique, hapless as it was. This man is funny, intelligent, compassionate, and generous. I so wish I had known him years ago. This week he has been my Guardian Angel. I hope our new friendship continues to grow.
There are so many people that have come and gone in my life and made it live-able when I didn't want to live it. I can not list them all, although it probably seems I have! Look at your life. Were there significant turning points? Who was there at the time? God knows your path before you do. Who did He drop in your path at a critical time? Even if it was only for a short time. Think about it. Then include them in your prayers tonight. Thank them, and thank God for being a giving, graceful God.
Today, I am thankful for my many Angels. No matter how the days twist and turn, God has my plan in front of him...and it will contain Guardian Angels. And perhaps, He has appointed me to someone. I hope so. I have alot of good deeds to payback!
Blessings....and don't forget to "live around it."
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