Bullies

     Fibromyalgia is a bully.  Like the kid on the bus that pulled out clumps of my hair just to see me cry.  Or the kid that flicked me on the arm until it was red and stinging...just to see me cry.  This disease pulls and flicks and I want to cry.  And scream.  And sometimes hit back....but it's invisible, so no one to hit back.  All I can do is Live Around It.  
     Live Around It.  I am making that my credo, I think.  Maybe that will make it go away?  Haha.  No, it's here, and so is it's cousin CFS. What are they?
     Fibromyalgia is, as the commercial says, "widespread, deep pain".  What the commercial doesn't tell you is that it has varying degrees.  For some, a 24/7 pain.  For some a horrific 24/7 pain, fatigue, IBS, neuropathy, migraines, numbness, weakness, foggy thinking, and a myriad of other presentations.  The commercials would have you believe that taking one drug will send you to work, allow you to play with your kids, and take long trips.  This is false representation.  Not all medications work for all patients.  For some patients, no medications work. 
     For me, Cymbalta takes the edge off, but it was not prescribed for Fibro.  It was prescribed for depression.  I also take ibruprofen every three and 1/2 hrs.  B-vitamins help with fatigue.  But, I am not bouncing off to work.  I tried that route for 20 years.  I missed alot of work.  Can't even count the number of times I was on probation for attendance.  But, I was a hard worker, knew my trade, and made it through the probations.  Until I had my son.  Then the Fibromyalgia really reared it's ugly head, along with post-partum borderline psychosis, and the missed days began adding up again.  I was fired.  I was not diagnosed with Fibromyalgia for another year.  After being sighed to and told over and over again it was depression, I finally went to a Rheumatologist.  He did a tender point test.  Voila.
     You can not see Fibromyalgia or ME/CFS.  Therefore, we are doubted, ridiculed and just plain called liars.  This fact played a part in the break-up of my marriage.  I "just sat around all day".  "I don't know what you do all day."  The heartbreaker was being accused of not taking care of my children.  Although I did not get along with my then 18 year old step-daughter, no parent was as close to a child as I was to my son, then 11.  No, I couldn't play catch, or get down on the floor with him (Lord knows the times I did were catastrophic!), but I showed him Love.  I packed his lunch.  I attended every teacher conference, and Little League game, and Basketball game and home Football game.  And, bleachers are planks of hell. LOL.  I love my son, and my step-daughter. Period.
     Today, I'm up at 7a.m. .  Stiff, slight panic attack, headache, tired.  But, I am up and out of bed.  This is a big deal.  I will try to change sheets today.  I will wash my son's football gear.  I will eat at least one meal.  I will gather the garbage, walk it down my 19 stairs, get yesterday's mail, walk back UP my 19 stairs, crunch finance numbers and play on Facebook.  Today, Fibromyalgia will not bully me.