Been going through some rough financial times over the past six months. Just as so many people are these days. I'm not new to stretching a dollar. When I was in my 20s partying mattered much more than paying the bills. In my 30s I changed, "careers" and was forced to take on full time-temp work. It payed less than half of what my nanny job paid. But, it was my decision to leave the nanny job, and I had to take the punches. I did not count on being nearly KO'd. Eventually, the temp work turned permanent, and some things started to iron out. Got married, had kids, became ill, lost my job...and although tight, we still made it pretty well.
Divorce changes many things. Suddenly, I was a single mom. Paying for everything on disability and support. I made changes in my adjustable expenses--things were tight again, but it seemed like it was going to be okay. Come December, I had to make a choice. I made the wrong one, and it put me a month behind on the mortgage. And, as always happens, it spiraled out of control.
In June of '08 I was forced to sell the house, or be foreclosed on. A house that was built to our specs--somewhat to make things a bit easier for me, due to my ongoing pain. One floor, hi-rise potty and all. Those were some of the darkest days I've seen. I had a son now. Only a respectable apartment would do. I'd promised my ex that I wouldn't take him out of the school district, so finding a decent apartment would be tricky.
On one of my cruises around this tiny little town, I saw a big sign in front of a four-plex. I called, I met the gentleman, I fell in love with the tiny apartment. I exlained my situation to the landlord, and he was more than accomodating. After spending weeks cleaning out the basement of the house, having it flood once and goo up alot of boxes, it was moving day. I was exhausted beyond anything I'd experienced before. One of my son's friends and his brother and mom helped us move a house into an apartment. There are 19 stairs. I pushed as hard as I could to help as much as I could, but finally broke down. It was my 12yr old son that took me by the shoulders and said, "We're gonna get this done. Don't worry. It'll get done." The pact the four of them made came to truition at about 10pm when my bed got set up. It was their intention to make sure I had my bed at the end of that day. Could anyone ask for better people?
We adjusted pretty quickly to our new surroundings. I wasn't so sure my sons buddies would want to make the uphill journey to our apartment to hangout, as they did at the house, but if that's what it took to hang with Nick, then so be it. We are so very lucky....no, blessed!
Then, as I've written before, everything (it seemed) broke down. In three months I had just shy of $2,000 of replacements and repairs. Do that math...$667 a month extra for three months! No "extra" about it. Things had to be repaired and replaced. And once again, the downward spiral began. Of course, at first it was not too noticeable. And then it was. And now I am seeking assistance. Just temporary, but enough to get back "in the black".
When I had the house, I could not get food assistance. Too many assets. Couldn't get State help with utilities...made $60 too much. And now. Now. The fine State of Illinois is out of money for assistance. Before I took the trip into the big city, I researched whether I would even be eligible. Indeed I was. But, as I got to each place I was told there was no money for assistance. On the township level I was told I could not get rent assistance because I already got government assistance through my SSDI. So, I think that means they'll pay you to survive, just not under a decent roof. To give them some props, though, they did refer me to a church.
Crossroads Community Church is a modern church, that preaches in a not so preachy manner. I've never been to the church, but have watched some sermons online and listened to some as well. Their following is staggering. This is the church that was suggested to me. I called, and was told that they assist by giving directly to the various programs. I was directed to one of them. When my call was finally returned, I was asked immediately if I was homeless. When I answered 'no', I was rushed off the phone with the words "Sorry, we only help those that have no home." Now as much as that is a good thing if, indeed you are homeless, it makes no sense to wait until one IS homeless to help.
A friend of mine directed me to the churches here, and gave me a name or two of folks always willing to lend a hand. I called the churches. First returned call--same day--said they don't do rent assistance, but would a gift certificate to the local market help? Yes, of course. The second call came today, Sunday, October 10, 2010. 10-10-10. Supposedly a lucky day. The second church will help. I don't know how much. I couldn't be so bold as to ask. They would, however, need to make the check payable to my landlord...they hoped I understood. Of course I understand. It is for the same reason that it is so hard to get disability when you really need it. Or any assistance, for that matter. There are people that play the system, and somehow get away with it.
Today is my lucky day. I've found that you can count on your local resources, family, and friends more than you can your highly paid, elected officials. I don't know what I will be sending my landlord tomorrow. I do know that God provides. I wish that came more easily for me. To just know and not get worked into three weeks of panic attacks. But, it will come. In its time. When my heart is fully ready, and not so filled with worry where the assurance should be.
Oh! And to make this date even luckier, my boy comes home after five days in Arizona. Funny how you can miss the sound of bombs and gunfire coming from across the apartment.....
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