Last week the world lost 100 teens.   Not runaways.  Not "hide n seek".  Suicide.  It has been going on for a very long time, but the death of Tyler Clementi brought this astounding, heartbreaking statistic into a bright, glaring, light.
     In Tyler's case, he was bullied because he was gay.  His roommate and a friend used the gift of technology to expose Tyler's private life to the world.  As a result of the embarrassment, shame, and shock, Tyler, too, used this gift of technology to alert the world that he was going to jump off the George Washington bridge.  He was 18.  That same week kids aged 13, 15, and 18 killed themselves due to bullying.
     First, let me say that I refer to our technology as a gift because it is.  What used to take days to accomplish in the workplace can now be done in hours or minutes.  Distant relatives can share photos of new additions, Social networks, like MySpace and Facebook, allow old classmates and relatives to reaquaint themselves.  And that is just on the "joe slob on the street level."  Think of what ever- advancing technology has done for medicine, space research, agriculture.  It is a gift.
     When I was a kid, I was bullied.  Looking back, I can find no reason I would NOT have been bullied.  I had glasses at age five, a grown-up, teased hairstyle when the style was long and straight.  I was loud, and cried at anything.  Such an easy target.  I had worms thrown at me, buttons ripped off my clothes, hair pulled out in hunks.  I was punched, knuckleheaded, had glasses purposely broken (multiple times--parents thrilled...) and piles of schoolbooks dropped on my head by the boys taller than I.  Other victims of bullying included the overweight, and those from poor households.  Or the improperly dressed.  Or the recipients of an odd last, or first name.  And, we were told it was just part of growing up.  "Ignore them, and they'll ignore you."  Since many of the things I was bullied over physically hurt, I cried.  Because I cried I was bullied.  I wanted to die for many reasons.  Being different was in the top two.  I remember holding a bottle of aspirin one day, when I was home alone.  And thinking.  Just thinking.  Mom pulled in the driveway, thought tucked back inside.
     I never felt like I fit in, thanks to bullies,  making the vicious cycle neverending.  Until my Sophmore year.  I made cheerleader.  Within the blink of an eye, I fit in, and the bullying stopped.  I was the same person.  Kind, funny, smart.  By the end of lunch hour that day I'd been invited to three parties.  Because I fit in to a predetermined stereotype, produced by parents. 
     Bullying is not okay.  It is not to be laughed off, or bragged about at the 25th reunion.  It really does affect a persons future.  I find it sad to say, that it makes the victim--if they can live through it--stronger.  They become tenacious and hard working.  To a fault.  To a breakdown.  If there is a hidden emotional imbalance, the effects can be fatal.  For me, it nearly was several times.  Thanks to the gifts of technology in medicine, twenty five years ago, that part of my angst was controlled.  But, the rest of the scars still ache from time to time.
     Bullies are as insecure as any child of school age.  They find, at some point, that making some else feel awful makes them feel good.  It's a sort of high.  Many bullies are bullied.  And their bullies are bullied.  It's sort of the human version of the food chain.  But, it is not okay.
     In between the bullies and the bullied are the bystanders.  They are aware that they are not perfect, and that stepping in could make them the next victim.  I wonder how a bystander feels when they see the bullied fall apart...or die.  Is there a "I should've done something" feeling?  God, I hope so.  Let their guilt be their punishment.
     The death of Tyler Clememti has brought about a movement for teens called "It Gets Better."  I've just finished watching many of the videos associated with this movement, and various celebrities speak on the subject, on Ellen.  Although I think it is a good message, as everything in life "gets better" at some point, it is important to point out that it doesn't ALL just one day get better.  It is gradual.  Sometimes unnoticed, until you wake up one day, and are not afraid to go to school, or work. But, yes, every tough situation gets better eventually.
     Tyler's death has focused on teen sexuality choices.  Choices?  Life is not "duck, duck, goose."  "You're straight, you're straight...you're gay!"  Your are who you are.  I hear you all...the Bible says.....
indeed, there are verses that cite that one man may not lay with another.  But above all...above the Noah, the Moses, the "valley of the shadow of death"....it says to LOVE ONE ANOTHER.  Not just the straight, college educated, trendiest dressed, homeowner, with blond hair and blue eyes, that was the captain of the football team or head cheerleader.  Love One Another.  Any other.  Every other.
     I have been fortunate in my life to have met many people of many social classes, ethnic classes, and religious views.  Some of those people have been gay.  And some of them have been my best friends.  One, was in a car accident that killed everyone in the vehicle but him.  One was in the army.  One worked in a factory, one worked in an office.  These are experiences that many people can relate to.  They all have blood that is red.  Their hearts beat, their lungs expand, their voicebox vibrates to make sound.  One of  these friends just got married to the man he has loved for 25 years.  My marriage ended at 12 years.  Another, gave up his bed for me when I had nowhere to live during a trying time in my life.  He slept on a cot in his living room for two months.  His morning greeting of "Good Morning Sunshine!" grated my every nerve, but I loved him, and he me, because we were friends.  Before he was ready to "come out", one of these friends was my boyfriend.   He could be very sweet, but his temper didn't suit me, so I broke it off.  The office friend was the victim of sexual and physical abuse during his youth. 
   "Being" gay is not even an accurate phrase.  I am not, at this moment, "being" straight.  I am writing from my heart, waiting for the landlord to call about the rent check.  I just... am. 
     Kids now use jargon that is contradictory.  As stated on Ellen, if any child....anyONE uses the "N" word they are sorely punished.  The "F" word is "just the way they talk at school."  The only place that does not allow it is regular television.  You can pay an extra $10.99 to hear it on pay channels.  But, "that's so gay", and "you faggot" are today's accepted slang.  They are not even aimed at a gay person.  Just an expression to ridicule or insult.  I am guilty of letting this slip by me now.  My son uses these expressions as do his friends, his older sister, and most other kids.  I fought it for a long time.  I finally waved the white flag, but made him learn the real definition of the words.  He had no idea that the word "gay" meant happy.  He did know that Negro meant the color black.  He did not know that faggot was a bundle of sticks or twigs.  He does know that an ass is a sort of donkey.  I am certain he does not know that the "F" or "N" word are not in my dictionary.  I made him learn the dictionary defintion of these words he uses so freely as everyday exclamations.  I will continue to do so.
     Tyler Clementi and the 99 other teens that threw away God's most precious gift last week, due to the pain caused by bullies can not die in vain.  Today is Wednesday.  There go another 50.  Parents,
teach your children tolerance.  Teach them the beauty of difference.  If you don't know how, then Google it.  You have the gift of technology at your fingertips.