I Made It

     This is it.  Half century.  I made it.  There were many times over 50 years that I wondered if I would.  Ironically, today is, so far, one of them.
     The day started out teary with panic.  Just the way I went to bed.  Rent is due, and the bargain I struck with the landlord and the bank has come back to bite me in the ass.  Nick got up, dragged himself to the bathroom, showered and took his seat on the love seat to eat breakfast.  We sat in silence as the minutes ticked by to school time.  We dragged ourselves down to the garage, into the noisy little "beep beep", and took off.  As I said my usual, "have a good day bud", he said "Happy Birthday, Mom.  I love you".  I fought back tears as I told him thank you, and I told God thank you on the short drive back to the apartment.  I crawled back into bed, surprisingly sleeping for just over an hour.  I figured I'd better get up and get going, as I had a trip to WalMart for a few groceries and meds. 
     On the drive up, it was as if I were overcome with a spirit.  I noticed the tips of leaves turning orange.  The Sumac, bright maroon.  I needed these groceries, so whatever that meant to the rent, so be it. 
     And then I got to the checkout.  Debit card denied.  I'd just checked my bank balance, so I knew the money was there.  And it all just came spilling out.  Right there at the checkout.  "Happy birthday, too me", I said with anger.  The only thing in that cart that was a "want", not a "need" was beer.  I had to have the scripts.  As I stood sobbing, I searched through the bags for my meds.  Perhaps, they thought, those would go through.  They did.  W T F???  I left the store, leaving my milk, toilet paper and cereal staring at me in disbelief.  I was in full sob mode as I walked through the doors.  After sitting in the car sobbing for a few minutes, I thought "no", somethings up.  So I called the bank, then I called the debit card.  There was a solution.  Now, I had to walk back into "the WalMart" with swollen eyes, makeup gone, and try to retrieve all but $50.00 of what I'd gotten.  After some amazing head addition, mission accomplished.
     The drive home was very different.  I was exhausted, and still had to haul the groceries up 19 stairs.  I didn't notice anything but the road.  This would have upset me any day.  Public humiliation, frustration, defeat.  But, today is my 50th birthday.  My plans for today were so much different.  But, those were MY plans.  God's plans--apparently much different.
     My plans were to run a couple errands, relax, sleep, go to the football game and head downtown for some birthday beers.  Reality is, I kept the beer in the grocery cart--out of spite I think--so I will have a few of those while Facebooking and watching TV.  Yep, it's just another day.  And, really isn't it?
     However, these things have not escaped me on this day.
     I have been allowed to live for 50 years.  God's plan.  I was gifted a beautiful, smart, kind, talented son.  God's plan.  I survived divorce, having to sell a house I loved, moving to a smaller place, the loss of a favorite pet and several loved ones-all in just over a year.  Survived.  God's plan.  As I sit her now, I have a roof over my head, heat, water, and now, food in the cupboards.  Thank you Lord.  I have friends of many different kinds from many different places, thanks to social networking.  Thank you Lord for giving an "aha" moment to a college kid years ago.  I have many diseases, but they can be somewhat controlled with meds.  Thank you Lord for Doctors, Pharmacists, Scientists and Medicare.  Thank you for the ability to walk, talk, write.  There are many things I don't do well.  This gives me the opportunity to learn.
     Tomorrow is the beginning of part II.  I will still not know how to pay the rent I promised, and believed would be easy to pay, at the time.  But, I know all things are possible through Christ.  He has lifted me out of despair and set me down in hope before.
     I made it.  God's plan.