It is the season of goodwill, celebration, and family. It is the time, for Christian children to learn the story of a King born, and of a fat man in a red, flannel suit that scurries down chimneys and leaves gifts beyond their wildest dreams. The two seem worlds apart, but history shows that without the love for the Christ child, there would be no St. Nicholas.
I remember making lists, as a child, going through the J.C.Penny catalog and circling toys, and turning down pages so that there would be no doubt as to my desires. Writing the list for Santa was specific, with page numbers and all. And Santa always got it right. And how! I wasn't aware until adulthood that not everyone gets 20 presents from Santa every year. I would relay my treasures to classmates after Christmas break and get curious looks. No wonder they treated me like the plague.
As an adult, when I became a stepmother, I took on the top secret mission of mailing letters to Santa. As my stepdaughter watched, I wrote his name on the envelope, attached the stamp and put it by the door to mail the next day. When she left for school, the letter was removed from the mailbox, stamp retrieved, and letter kept in my wallet. After all, I was part of the Jolly Fat Guy club. I'm not sure if my son wrote letters. How odd that I can't remember that.....
When the days of Christmas arrived, I, along with my children later, practically burst with anticipation. Well, in my case, I anticipated actually receiving the gift, since I'd already found the stash, and knew every gift I was getting. Those days of gift exchanges and huge meals were as much a part of Christmas for us as the actual Birth. Grandparents and Aunts spoiled, parents, too. At the end, everyone was exhausted, but satisfied.
So much happens over the years. Celebrations that once included numbers near 20 are now pared down as loved ones have passed or become ill. Gathering places are lost due to divorce. These changes have been the hardest of all the changes my life has presented me with. One Christmas, it's hoopla at Grandma's, then a quiet gathering at Mom's, and now a trip to the nursing home to see Mom.
Gift-wise, I make sure I am able to get Nick his birthday and Christmas gift, which fall nine days apart. They are not always on time, but they are given. He always knows what he's getting because he has his father's persuasive nature, and always gets it out of me somehow. Well, that, and I have to compare notes with his Dad, and just as the Grinch's heart grew three sizes that day, so do Nick's ears when I'm talking to his Dad.
Yes, much has changed. But even when the loneliness of my "new" Christmas tries to grip me, I remember why there were ever toy sections in the catalog, sneaky Santa letter doings, or eating more food in one sitting since...well...Thanksgiving. The Birth of our Saviour, Jesus Christ. The one God sent to a poor couple to teach us, lead us, and die for our sins. What a glorious gift!
However, in the Santa sense of the season, I did something recently I haven't done in perhaps 35 years. I put pen to paper and made my Christmas list. The first things that came to mind were food, bills, gas, and I thought, NO! What, Ann, do you want? Desire to have that you would not spend your money on? Quite a concept for someone who has been living down to her last 12 cents each pay period, and still comes up short on something. What did I want? Well the first item was gas cards, and I know that's a need not a want, but watching the gas needle has become a source of panic for me, so it's sort of a want, right? Next, and this will surprise no one that knows me, Facebook Credits, so that playing my frustrating, addicting games bring a bit less frustration. Quit playing? Well, that's crazy talk! Movies. Lots of new releases that I've heard so much about, but can't afford to see in the theatre. Music. Whether CD's or iTunes, it matters not. A "Straight Talk" phone. More practical, more features. An 18" box cut gold chain for my Black Hills Gold Cross--I miss it around my neck. And then I really did it. I wrote "IPad". Nonsense, I say! I probably would not even know how to use it, but it looks amazing, and isn't that what dreaming is? Wishes for amazing things.
Of course there will be no presents under my tree Christmas morning, but now that I've identified specific "wants", maybe I can squeeze them in between utilities, rent, food, school lunch money, Basketball games for Nick's pleasure, gas....Okay, it's going to take awhile, and the IPad....really?? The point is, I validated myself by doing that. I deserve to get wants as much as anyone.
This Christmas Day I will drive to Galena to visit with Mom. I will be home by 3 o'clock. Nick will be with his Dad--thank goodness--celebrating with his new family, and some old, and making memories he will carry with him all of his life. He plans of becoming a Marine in 3 1/2 years. I pray those memories give him joy during his times away from home.
Merry Christmas everyone. We celebrate the birth of our King in six days. Are you ready?
